Tuesday, December 04, 2007

Of God, UFOs, and Witches

This can't be right:


Well, of course it's not right. But I mean, can it be accurate? I've never heard of Harris Online polls. I wonder what their survey methods are who does their statistical analysis. Then again, look who's president. Perhaps these numbers are correct and George Bush did actually win the 2000 election.

Heckuva' job, American people.

Friday, November 30, 2007

Islamic Hardliners are Crybabies and Bullies

You know, if you're so thin-skinned and hyper-sensitive that any perceived insult or slur on your religion causes you to boil over into an indignant fury that can only be assuaged by beating someone to death, then you deserve to be ridiculed, mocked and punched real hard in the sack. I mean to jail some teacher and then deport her because she allowed the children in her class to name a teddy bear Muhammad is just plain absurd. And to gang rape a woman (and her male friend, I might add) because she was believed to be having an affair is so sick and twisted I can't even begin unravel that Freudian atrocity. And to publicly murder some young lads because they're into each other, or stone a women to death because she may have been a little on the trampy side, it's medieval nonsense. I mean the only thing that should not be tolerated is that sort of intolerance.

Apparently, the prosecution in the teddy bear case wanted to pin the more serious charge of inciting religious hatred on the teacher (she got off with just "insulting the faith of Muslims"). Now I ask you, what could possibly incite more religious hatred than to aggressively persecute someone for a small breach of religious protocol? And where exactly is the line? Surely there are people named Muhammad. Should their parents be flogged for naming their children after the prophet? What if you named your beloved pet Muhammad? Would you be stoned to death for that? I've never been the sort of guy who names his penis (mainly because I think it's moronic), but henceforth my dick is now my muhammad.

I await your old-school Islamic gang rape.

Monday, August 06, 2007

Tuesday, May 22, 2007


First there's this. Then there's this.

Remind you of anything?

Wednesday, May 16, 2007

Wagnerian Twists and Turns

John Hawkins at Right Wing News, has stumbled upon what he sees as a plot involving Mark Kleinman and Oliver Willis. Mark and Oliver, believing their respective cats are out of their respective bags, offer up confessions (ostensibly to throw Hawkins off the scent). But what Mark and Oliver don't realize is that they are actually siblings separated during infancy and raised separately to protect their identities. Furthermore, Osama Bin Laden is their father (if they would search their feelings they would know it to be true). Soon, they will both be tempted to give in to the dark side and unleash their anger. We can only hope that when the Sith lord who controls Bin Laden, attacks the two young fools for their unwillingness to join him, Osama will respond to their cries for help with the last shred of humanity left to him and cast the Sith into a bottomless pit, receiving a mortal wound during the struggle. Then we can finally lay him to rest with the honor he had so long ago forsaken, and move on with our lives.

Tuesday, May 15, 2007

It's All Coming Together...

...But at what cost?

In the late 80s and early 90s we had a rash of TV evangelist scandals: Jim Bakker, Jimmy Swaggart, Garner Ted Armstrong. More recently: Jihadists around the world have been giving Islam a bad name (too many examples to chose just one link for this). Ted Haggard has been exposed as a hypocritical pervert. Pat Robertson has been sticking his foot in his mouth. Now, Jerry Falwell has died. Religion has seen better days.

And so blasphemy is on the rise! Chritopher hitchens has a new book out on atheism (God Is Not Great: How Religion Poisons Everything). Richard Dawkins was on Colbert the other night promoting his book (The God Delusion). The BBC has recently aired a documentary that is purportedly highly critical of the Church of Scientology. The war between the pious fundies and the godless blasphemers is heating up lately. Good.

However, this guy makes some interesting points about that war in general, and some of the latest sorties specifically.

Personally, I find most atheists just as insufferable as religious fanatics. And the scientific community has its share of dogma (granted, they seem more open to new ideas than the church, but sometimes it takes a Herculean effort to shift that paradigm). What's a fella' to do? Who can I believe in?

I can't decide which idea I find more bizarre: That there is some mystical entity existing outside of existence who created the universe and all it's mayhem, seemingly for the sole purpose of testing whether we can be pushed through all these hoops of reality and still choose to worship him. Or that, for reasons unknown, all of this mayhem and madness emerged suddenly from an infinitesimal point somewhere within a seemingly infinite and eternal void, and to which all of this will one day collapse back into. Neither proposition seems very likely. In fact I don't believe any of it.

However, I do have one belief that places me decidedly in the camp of the godless blasphemers. I truly believe that there is no religious text or doctrine (or scientific ones, for that matter) anywhere on this planet, that contains the literal word of god and is therefore a definitive guide for how people should behave. There are only theories and mythologies. Perceptions and philosophies.

So, by all means, tear down the church steeples, shave the beards, lose the funny hats and the unreasonable restraints on normal sexual behavior. But be wary of becoming that which you despise.

One thing is for certain: You can't be certain of anything.

Wednesday, May 09, 2007

Surprise, surprise...

Ryan Crocker, our ambassador to Baghdad, while talking with reporters about Cheney's surprise visit to Iraq, said:

“The reality is, with the major effort we’re making ... for the Iraqi parliament to take a two-month vacation in the middle of summer is impossible to understand,”

Impossible to understand? Here's an explanation.

So, why are we still in Iraq?

Saturday, May 05, 2007

Scum of the Earth

Reason #1,428,715,221 why religion is the root of all evil:

[WARNING: disturbing video clips]

Shit like this really brings out the intolerant reactionary in me. I just want to round these fuckers* up and torture them to death.

*By "these fuckers" I mean not only everyone who took part in stoning this young girl to death, but also anyone who condones the act.

Friday, April 27, 2007

Easily Proven to the Highly Gullible

So George Tenet says his words were twisted:

Tenet argues in an interview with 60 Minutes that the infamous "slam dunk" phrase -- uttered during a pivotal meeting with the president and his top advisers -- referred to whether they could make a public case for the invasion and not whether Iraq had WMDs.

So what George was saying then was: It's not that Saddam has WMDs, it that's the American people are stupid enough to believe that he does.

Thanks for clearing that up, George. That should help repair your damaged reputation.

Tuesday, March 27, 2007

So long and thanks for all the pollen...

Yet another way that GWB & friends are hastening the end of human civilization:



...Thanks a lot, asshole. Now what am I going to drizzle on my cornbread? (I expect your answers to that question to be exceptionally vulgar and mean-spirited)

Thursday, February 22, 2007